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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918970">Droppin' Like Flies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kabella/pseuds/Kabella'>Kabella</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Endurance [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Acceptance, Anxiety, Coming Out, Criticism, Divorce, Family, Fear, Get out of your head, Hiding, LONG CHAPTER, Love, M/M, Motley Crue - Freeform, Nosy - Freeform, Scared Shitless, Terrorcest - Freeform, fan mail, friends - Freeform, genius, got a plan, our place, when you say go, who's the man</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:50:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,028</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918970</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kabella/pseuds/Kabella</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a long time. This is a coming out story. Both Nikki and Tommy are nervous as fuck. </p><p>Tommy is OK, but Nikki is going into hiding. Is this even going to work out? Tommy is determined, and comes up with a plan to help.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Endurance [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1902748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Droppin' Like Flies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, once I decided to make a complete book using all of the '94 album song titles, I had a few oddball titles to work into the storyline. Droppin Like Flies was one of them. I finally decided that this would be a coming out chapter, which I first alluded to the concept of at the end of Loveshine. At the time I wrote that story, I didn't know that I'd be building off of it. </p><p>The thought of writing a coming out chapter made me feel nervous for a few reasons. 1.) It's a sensitive topic for some. 2.) I haven't read much Terrorcest fan fiction dealing explicitly with the topic. I'm not referring to coming out to certain individuals (I've written about that in my Wattpad stories and have seen it around enough), but coming out fully, publicly; I think I read one story along those lines. So, I don't have much to go by. 3.) I'm a straight female, so what the hell do I know, aside from having some friends in my life. But, with this as a chapter being towards the end of the book, I had several other chapters to write before trying to tackle it. But here I am now. </p><p>I can only hope that I did the topic some justice. These 2 have such a dynamic with each other, that's at least worthy my attempt. During my writing, I developed a sub-plot within the story to add some levity and bring it to a good place at the end.</p><p>This chapter comes after Hammered.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nikki completed a 50 day rehab program successfully. Tommy did take Nikki’s advice and entered himself into a month long therapy program for PTSD; following Nikki down to Arizona about 10 days later.</p><p> </p><p>Nearly 2 years have passed since. Two years of Tommy waiting patiently for Nikki to get his life in order. Two years during which Tommy finally had the courage to share his harrowing jail story with Nikki, by bits and pieces. Also within those two years, Tommy’s father passed away, Randy (Motley’s drummer) passed away, both Tommy and Nikki got involved with side projects and other bands. Motley Crue was on hold. And Nikki’s wife finally filed for divorce. Nikki thinks that he could have done a better job of salvaging his marriage, but the truth is, he didn’t give it 100% because he knew what he really wanted in the long run. A second chance with his marriage only would have just prolonged the inevitable, an eventual divorce; both parties no longer believing that they were each other’s soul mates. </p><p> </p><p>It’s been over 4 months since the divorce was finalized. Nikki still found it to be an agonizing process. He did love her, and he knows he could have been better, but it had to end. It’s been hard on the kids. Their daughter, not quite old enough to understand, but the older ones, once again feeling the disappointment of losing a mother figure or a father figure. Tommy has been supportive this whole time, growing impatient at times, but understanding the process Nikki needed to take. He wanted to ease his kids into the new situation. He wanted the petition for divorce to come from Donna. He needed time to talk himself into what he and Tommy planned to do, come out. He’s 100% on board, but as scared as fuck to go forward with it. </p><p> </p><p>Since the divorce, Nikki and Donna sold their house. He found a little rental place to live in with his kids, knowing it would be temporary as he and Tommy are planning on buying a house together. Actually, they found one, and they’re closing on it. Nikki plans on staying in the rental on the days he has his kids until announcements are made.</p><p> </p><p>-------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Nikki and Tommy lie on the carpeted floor of the empty master bedroom, after signing everything away at closing earlier in the day. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck. I can’t believe this is our bedroom,” Tommy smiles, staring up at the ceiling fan. “Like no more, having to leave. No more sneaking around. This is OUR fucking bedroom.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki can only be heard exhaling loudly.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you OK?” Tommy asks, leaning up on his elbow.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I’m just a little freaked out, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no turning back now. Come on, we just got this bangin’ place.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know. I’m not planning on chickening out. It’s just that talking about it is one thing. The reality of it is another. And now it’s starting to get real.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you most afraid of?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. Judgement or criticism, maybe.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck everyone,” Tommy resolves.</p><p> </p><p>“I know that’s my usual philosophy on how to handle things, but it doesn’t apply here. It’s the kids. It’s our careers at stake. It’s our fans alienating us.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know… one day it’s not going to matter. This will all be behind us; the shitty parts about coming out. Look at Freddie Mercury and Rob Halford, in <em> our </em> musical genre. Nobody gives a fuck anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, T. It’s just uncomfortable for me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“You know why. It’s stigma. It’s image.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nik, but it doesn’t change us. Both you and I can still kick some motherfucking ass. We can still woo chicks if we wanted to. And I bet there’s going to be a slew of fans that are going to be excited that the Terror Twins are together. I mean. We fucking rock, and we’re damn hot. Furthermore, it’s honestly not anything new. How many times, since even before Motley have we had to defend our sexuality? It’s going to be OK, man.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know. I might just prefer to slip into a coma though, while you handle things, and then wake up when all the dust has settled.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t mind knocking you into a coma sometimes,” Tommy snickers.</p><p> </p><p>“I know. I’m not the easiest to deal with.”</p><p> </p><p>“I live for the challenge,” Tommy says proudly.</p><p> </p><p>“So, when do we start this?”</p><p> </p><p>“Whenever you say go. We start with the easiest; my sister, since she already knows we’re involved behind closed doors. Then my mom.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck my mom. I’m not telling her. Or maybe I should. She hates me anyway,” Nikki says.</p><p> </p><p>“She doesn’t hate you. She’s just messed up.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki shrugs.</p><p> </p><p>“Who’s next? Mick and Vince, or our exes?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. Both are going to suck to tell,” Nikki laments.</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Tommy says, reaching for Nikki’s hand. “Kids, then some friends, and the media will eventually find out through rumors.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t wish to do some fucking formal announcement. Fuck that.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know they’ll come after us anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, but that’s different. I’m not going to get up on some soap box and wave at people while we announce it holding hands. It’s just easier to take the media in small bits.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hear you. And to get a pulse on how people are reacting before we have to address it,” Tommy adds in. “You know…. Fuck all this right now. When are we going to christen this room?</p><p> </p><p>“When you say go,” Nikki says, looking at Tommy with a grin.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re waiting for me? You’re the one who needed your ass calmed down.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, time to rev it back up, baby,” Nikki says, getting to his knees to throw his shirt off.</p><p> </p><p>-------------------------</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>At Tommy’s sister’s house - </b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Hey guys. Come on in,” Athena says, opening the door. “Can I get you anything?”</p><p> </p><p>“Water, please” Nikki says.</p><p> </p><p>“Whiskey, rum, vodka?” Anything you got,” Tommy says, wiping his brow with his sleeve.</p><p> </p><p>“Something wrong, Tommy?” Athena asks.</p><p> </p><p>“No. I’m just a little on edge. I’m kidding about the liquor. Water is fine. Or maybe beer. Got beer?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, stupid,” she laughs. “Nikki, are you sure you just want water?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m good. I haven’t had a drink in two years.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re shitting me. Wow, Nikki,” Athena marvels, grabbing drinks.</p><p> </p><p>“Taking my sobriety seriously this time. I’m in for the long run.”</p><p> </p><p>“Awesome. What’s up guys.”</p><p> </p><p>Tommy cracks his beer open, “Uh, well. I wanted to let you know that Nikki and I are going to be living together.”</p><p> </p><p>“Cool. I guess that makes sense; both of you are between relationships. Who’s place? Got enough room for the kids?”</p><p> </p><p>“Athena, I mean, like, we just bought a house,” Tommy says, guzzling his beer.</p><p> </p><p>“What, together?” she snickers.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, together. We’re together. OK?”</p><p> </p><p>“I know that. But how do you exactly mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“We’re a couple…. ” Tommy says, trailing off, then finishing the beer; crushing the can.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki is pursing his lips, staring at the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god! Like are you’re out?” Tommy’s sister asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Um, we will be. We’re telling you first.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god. You don’t have to be stupid and nervous in front of me. I love you guys. Kind of tired of all the bad decisions you make with wives and girlfriends. I know you two at least treat each right.”</p><p> </p><p>Tommy cracks a smile. “So you’re not weirded out?”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess it might take a little to get used to, but no. I’ve been cool with it since you first told me years ago that you were sneaking around with each other. I guess if anything I’m maybe a little concerned about how others are going to react.”</p><p> </p><p>“We are too. Um… I’m actually going to tell mom next. How do you think she’ll react?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, she’ll probably feel a little disappointed. But, I think she’ll come around. I mean you already gave her grandchildren. Do you want me to be there with you? I’ll back you guys up. I mean, honestly, you’ve been shocking the shit out of her for years with your behavior. This might not actually be such a bad thing to learn about. Much easier to deal with than some of the shit you’ve been through.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, maybe that would be a good idea if you’re there. I don’t know when. Probably in the next day or two.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll support you guys. Come here. Give me a hug. You too, Nikki; you’re too quiet over there.”</p><p> </p><p>The 3 hug, then sit back down more comfortably, now that the cat is out of the bag. Tommy shares what their plans are going forward, trying to take hold of Nikki’s hand, which he pulls away. However, he does start to participate in the conversation; a little anyway. Before they leave, they set a date to go see Tommy’s mom.</p><p> </p><p>----------------------</p><p> </p><p>The trio of Nikki, Tommy, and Athena sat down with Tommy’s mother and informed her of the news. She had a difficult time understanding it, and seemed distressed. She couldn’t necessarily give her blessing, but said that she loves them and would still be supportive. She told them that they’d have to bear with her as she processes her feelings and to give her time. </p><p> </p><p>The next group they decided to tell were the exes. Instead of going together, they each did it alone with their own exes. </p><p> </p><p>*Nikki’s first ex wife pretty much laughed at him, and said he was pathetic. She made a bunch of empty threats regarding the kids, but at the end sort of acted like she didn’t care. Nikki thinks maybe because she was the type that was open to a varying degree of sexual exploration. She made it clear though that bedroom rituals better be hidden from the kids, and if the kids need Nikki at night, that it’s only to be him.</p><p> </p><p>*Nikki’s second wife took it much harder. She cried and didn’t understand. Nikki cried too. It was only recently that they were together; some latent feeling for each other still persist. He did his best to assure her that what they had together was real. They even hugged tightly, but no amount of explaining the situation helped. Nikki can only offer that he’s still here to help in any way that she might need. He’s unsure what her motive will be when the shock wears off.</p><p> </p><p>*Tommy didn’t need to tell Heather, as they have no kids together, but he decided to do it in person so that she doesn’t hear it first through a rumor; as they’ve maintained a friendly post-relationship vibe with each other. She seemed pretty floored, and somewhat amused at the same time; telling him that it wasn’t exceptionally shocking. She had been around during Tommy’s and Nikki’s idiot years, when they were really close to each other.</p><p> </p><p>*Tommy’s more recent ex was none too amused. In fact, quite hostile; claiming that the environment will be toxic for the kids. Tommy is just going to have to hold his breath on this one. He knows that his ex is open to equal rights and has typically not held any prejudices against anyone different, so he knows that this is just personal bullying. He can only hope that she’ll lay off when she sees that things will be stable. And if she continues to press against him, then he can only hope that a judge will be fair in any ruling regarding custody. As of now, he only has his kids every other week for 4 days. He can’t bear to lose any more time with them.</p><p> </p><p>That was tough. The kids were eventually told watered down versions of the new development. Nikki’s oldest wasn’t happy. He confronted his dad, saying that he’s old enough to know what’s going on, and he’s not really willing to accept it. Tommy’s two weren’t overly receptive either. He thinks it’s because their mother is already feeding them lines of bullshit. Nikki’s younger kids seem unaffected, and a few of them rather giggly, liking Tommy around. Both decided that they’d leave the parenting to their own, to avoid conflict with their exes. Each would only offer support to the other in regard to the kids; as well just having fun with them.</p><p> </p><p>Next was the bands. Tommy’s band, Nikki’s band, and Vince and Mick. Tommy chose not to come along when Nikki set out to tell Vince and Mick the news.</p><p> </p><p>“So guys, I got something that I need to tell you,” Nikki says, to start.</p><p> </p><p>“Something band related? You seem nervous,” Vince says, furrowing his brow.</p><p> </p><p>“I am nervous, but it’s not band related, although it might affect the band.</p><p> </p><p>“OK. Spill it,” Mick replies.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it’s been close to 5 months since my divorce and I’m with someone new…… ish”</p><p> </p><p>“Ish? Who is she? One of our exes, or Tommy’s ex?” Vince snickers.</p><p> </p><p>“No. Someone that I’ve been involved with since our early days. We decided that we don’t want to keep things hidden anymore,” Nikki reveals.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you and Lita back together? Come on, who?” Vince asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Who has everyone always thought I was with, in the years past?” Nikki blurts out, throwing his hands up.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you shitting me? Please tell me it’s not Tommy,” Mick pleads.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki doesn’t say anything, and stares down at the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh for fuck’s sake, Nikki! What the hell?” Mick barks, while Vince sits there snickering.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been going on for over 20 years. We just have a connection and we both want this,” Nikki reveals, still looking down.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, Nikki. This is not going to sit well with our fans!” Mick screeches.</p><p> </p><p>“Mick, I know. We’ve both given this a lot of though; like over 2 years of just talking about it, and everything that could be affected. But, we’re just tired of sneaking around. It’s not a way to live. Always hiding shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why can’t you just keep it on the down low? I don’t understand why everyone has to know?”</p><p> </p><p>“I honestly don’t want everyone to know, but some people have to know. You two. The mothers of our kids, the kids themselves, and family. It’s going to get out there. Especially if any of the ex-wives feel vindictive. It’s better to approach it head-on. I’m nervous as fuck. I….” Nikki takes a deep breath. “Look I’m sorry. But I’ve done a lot of thinking. I believe that we’re going to be OK. We’re in the middle of a hiatus. By the time we get started again, it will be old news.”</p><p> </p><p>“How about our fans? Guys aren’t going to like it. Girls are going to be disappointed,” Vince says, finally chiming in.</p><p> </p><p>“Judas Priest. Nobody gives a fuck. They still have their hardcore metal fans; mostly guys by the way. And as for the female fans, I still dig chicks. I can be flirtatious. I just don’t think it’s going to matter in the long run.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know. I’m more blown away by the fact that you and that dumb shit have been fucking around with each other all of these years, and how you’ve adamently denied it. I hope this is not just about a fascination with his dick,” Vince says.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut the fuck up, Vince,” Mick says, waving his hand in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, I know you two don’t get along, but I’d really appreciate it if you refrain from name calling,” Nikki snaps. “And I’m not going into our private life with either of you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure that he’s only been saying pleasant things about me. Am I right?” Vince snaps.</p><p> </p><p>”Just don’t, OK? And I defend you too. I don’t like when either of you name-calling.”</p><p> </p><p>“You said that you still dig chicks, so are you like bi-sexual? I mean, are you still going to bang chicks after shows and shit?” Vince asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you be a little more shallow with your questioning? Fuck man,” Nikki replies.</p><p> </p><p>“Legit questions.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess you can say that we’re bi-sexual, but….” Nikki takes another deep breath. “I’m not going to be with other people. Just him. I…. (fuck)…..I love him, OK? And he loves me. It’s been a long time. Furthermore, it’s been a long time since I was sleeping with random chicks after shows anyway. I’ve been married for years.</p><p> </p><p>“Right. Me too, Nik, “Vince says, sarcastically. </p><p> </p><p>“Not saying it never happened. It was just rare, OK? And I can still flirt and all that shit that girls like. Fuck, they’re still sexy creatures. But my heart just belongs to one person.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that said person gearing up to rejoin the band now since you two obviously like to be around each other?” Mick asks.</p><p> </p><p>“No, but we don’t have a drummer anymore. So, I would like to see that as a future possibility.”</p><p> </p><p>“You might be surprised to hear me say that I really wouldn’t give a fuck. If he wants to come back, I’m not going to fight it. Just wondering now what our future holds with this new development,” Vince says.</p><p> </p><p>“I think that there might be some push back to start with, but I really think that we’re going to be OK in the long run. Our music is good. Our shows are incredible. It’s not going to matter. And frankly, I know that this is a shock to you, and I completely understand your concerns. I have the same damn concerns. But, I can really use your friendships at this time. I need people who I can trust and lean on.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’re here for you, Nikki. I have to admit that this is shocking, I am concerned, and I need time to take this all in, but we’re brothers and we love you,” Mick says, and Vince shows his solidarity by a squeeze to Nikki’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>I’d also prefer that you not comment or say anything, at least until word gets out beyond these walls. And definitely don’t mention our long history. Our exes will freak if they knew how long things between us have been going on, and we can’t afford to have strikes like that against us because of our kids. As far as everyone else knows, this is a recent development. K?</p><p> </p><p>“We gotcha,” Vince says. “You can trust us..... but when did it start? Who fucked who? I always knew you guys were too close, and hiding something.”</p><p> </p><p>"Fuck off, Vince," Nikki says, with a smirk.</p><p> </p><p>"Just sayin', man."</p><p> </p><p>"KISS tour, now kiss off, Nikki reveals, standing up to leave.</p><p> </p><p>-----------------------</p><p> </p><p>“How are you doing, Nikki?” Tommy asks, shortly after the bassist arrived home from his meeting with Mick and Vince. He gave the drummer a brief recap of what happened; including waffling a bit on the subject of bi-sexuality and handling female fans. The fact that neither wants women or anyone else at this time, makes bi-sexuality a moot point. But, yeah, it might still be helpful information to maintain a strong female fan base.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m OK. There’s part of me that knew this was going to be really hard, but I don’t think I really knew how hard it was going to be. It’s exhausting,” Nikki says, flopping down on the couch, of their now furnished house. “Believe me, I’m not tempted to reach for the alcohol, but it does cross my mind that maybe I chose a bad time to stop.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m proud of you….. I know this isn’t easy for you. It’s not for me either, but I guess I’ve just been more open to accepting the difficulties that come with this. I just love you so much, that it’s worth it to me. And I feel optimistic. That’s not to say that you feel any less about this than I do, but I know we just have different ways of handling things, and as much as we’re alike in so many other ways.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m changing. I’ve always been a glass half-empty type of person, but I think that I’ve made some good strides in being more optimistic. I think it’s just a control thing. This puts me out of control. I can’t make people accept me or accept us. I can’t control their reactions.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, you never have been able to. Look at all of our critics. No matter what, we couldn’t force people to like our music or to give it high praises. And I know you’ll say that it’s different, but it’s not that different from our personal business because we put our heart and soul into what we do. Our music is part of us. As much as we tell the critics to go fuck themselves, deep inside it does feel pretty shitty to not be accepted or respected when you put your all into something. But, we made it through. You just need to get some of that fuck you attitude back. It helps.”</p><p> </p><p>“You always make sense. I don’t know why people think that you have no brains.”</p><p> </p><p>“What, was Vince saying shit about me again?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but you say stuff too. I want you both to stop. But, I just mean in general, over the years. You always seem to be the brunt of the joke,” Nikki sighs. “It pisses me off.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine. It’s because I have a lot of energy and ramble a lot. We’ve all gotten shit on. For four high school dropouts, I think that we were pretty on point. We got ourselves to where we are. Well, I mean the fans have a hand in that, but the point is, to get to where we brought Motley it took a lot of ingenuity and talent, not to mention hard work.</p><p> </p><p>“You make more sense to me than anyone out there,” Nikki says, finally lending a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, lover. Looks like you need a little pick-me-up,” Tommy says, extended his hand out to Nikki to lift him from the couch. </p><p> </p><p>They make their way to their bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>-------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Over the next few days, both Nikki and Tommy began to share the news with their other bandmates and friends. Reactions were varied. Some said, no big deal. Others laughed at them. A handful seemed offended by it, and afraid, if you will that perhaps Tommy or Nikki was going to start hitting on them. And soon enough, the media caught wind of the news, which resulted in a shit ton of criticism and jokes on their behalf; some of the quotes coming from friends and former friends. It was largely disappointing. Their multitude of former friendships <em> droppin’ like flies. </em></p><p> </p><p>----------------------</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Three Weeks Later - </b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Nik, wanna go out today. Please?” Tommy asks Nikki, whos’ been busying himself with music in their home studio for the past few weeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, I got something going here,” Nikki replies, cranking out obnoxious sounds from his bass.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on. We haven’t been out of this house together for two weeks. You haven’t been out in two weeks except to pick up or drop off the kids.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tom, stop. I just can’t, OK?”</p><p> </p><p>“How long are you going to keep this up?” Tommy huffs.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki shrugs, focusing on his bass.</p><p> </p><p>“OK. Do you need anything while I’m out?” Tommy asks, in surrender.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re low on coffee…. and cigarettes, please.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, see you later.” Tommy takes a few steps out of the studio and then turns back, charged up. “You know, first I hate that you’ve picked up smoking as a habit, but I’ll get you your damn smokes anyway. And secondly you moping around here isn’t going to help anything. I go out, and honestly, no one is bothering me much. Or maybe I don’t notice because I don’t give a fuck what people think. I mean, you’re making me feel like you resent our relationship, and it’s really starting to rub me the wrong way. Do you regret this?”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki puts his bass down, and slams his hands down on the work table. “First, fuck you about the smoking. Would you prefer that I go back to drugs and alcohol?! And secondly, don’t assume shit about me! God, the last thing I need is your fucking commentary on this whole thing.”<br/><br/></p><p>“So I’m not allowed to have feelings about us? Can’t question anything?! You don’t give me much to work with here.”</p><p> </p><p>“The fact that I’m in bed with you every damn night doesn’t speak enough to you?!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not talking about sleeping together…... Do you regret coming out?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just having a difficult time,” Nikki says, getting up, walking past Tommy, and going out towards the back door.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy doesn’t go after him, instead going out the front door as intended. He gets into his car, and pulls away. A few minutes later, he pulls over to the side of the road, puts the car in park, and drops his head into his hands. He’s not angry with Nikki, he just doesn’t know how to proceed. Nikki has been quiet and distant. He feels in his heart that it’s not him, but rather the situation at foot. But he doesn’t even know for sure because Nikki doesn’t talk about it much. At this point, he can only hope that this wasn’t all for nothing, fearful that maybe Nikki is so traumatized by the backlash that it’s going to cause too much resentment. Tommy shuts his eyes and breathes deeply. He tells himself that he’s not surrendering. Nikki means too much to him. He resolves that they’ll figure out a way to get through this.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki’s birthday is five days away. He’s pretty sure that he declined an invitation to go out anywhere. Tommy begins formulating plans in his head to make Nikki’s 45th birthday a memorable and meaningful one. Maybe this will help.</p><p> </p><p>In the meantime, Nikki is pacing around the backyard blowing off steam. He was upset for about 2 minutes until he realized that he had no right to lash out on Tommy. It’s not Tommy. It’s the negativity out there. Nikki can’t find a way to be OK with it. When Tommy asked him if he regretted coming out, sadly in some ways he does. He tries to tell himself that the alternative is worse; the alternative being not being able to freely be with the person he loves; continuing to always sneak around, or maybe not even being able to be with him at all. Maybe Tommy would have gotten fed up with everything. Maybe another wife would have driven another wedge between them. Nikki can’t live without him, but he doesn’t quite know how to start living with him.</p><p> </p><p>---------------------------</p><p> </p><p>A few hours later, Tommy returns. Nikki was waiting anxiously for him to get back, feeling terrible about how he handled their conversation. As soon as Tommy closes the front door, Nikki gets up to embrace him, hoping that Tommy will accept the embrace. He does, dropping the bags to the floor, and hugging Nikki back tightly.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, Tommy. It’s not you. I’ll never regret choosing you. I just need to figure out how to get past the criticism. Please help me. I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” Nikki cries.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s OK. I know you’re struggling. I’m sorry that I snapped back at you and put you on the spot. It wasn’t fair,” Tommy replies. “I got your coffee and smokes. I’m sorry about that too. I know why you picked up the habit. Maybe we can try to quit together someday when things aren’t so stressful.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks,” Nikki says breaking the hug. He picks up the bags, and brings them to the kitchen; Tommy follows.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to be more patient with you, OK? I know this isn’t easy. I just miss you. I miss your smile, and doing things with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll try harder,” Nikki says, tears still falling from his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s just find a way to help each other, OK? Don’t force yourself to be a certain way. It’s only going to stress you out. One step at a time.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki nods his head as he wipes tears away with the back of his sleeve.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, the office is getting calls for interviews. Can I do one? I think that I can lighten things up a bit. People are waiting to hear from us, and staying silent is only keeping rumors circulating and fans disgruntled. They want to hear from us. Can you trust me on it?”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki nods again. “Can’t do it with you, though.”</p><p> </p><p>“I got it. I’m a charmer. It’s only gonna help, love,” Tommy says, giving a quirky grin.</p><p> </p><p>“I owe you. It’s a good thing that we’re both not like me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You ain’t kidding. You’re like the grim reaper lately. And speaking of, I brought home a rental for later. Slasher movie.”</p><p> </p><p>“How’d you know I was going to be speaking to you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I know that you love me, and I just took a chance. I’ll always be an optimist when it comes to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks. You know me well. Love you,” Nikki smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s that smile that I miss. It’s nice to see it outside of sex.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll do better. At least around here in the house.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, and I still might ask you to go out, but I won’t push you anymore, OK. Maybe for a drive or something like that, where we don’t need to get out of the car.”</p><p> </p><p>“I might be able to manage that.”</p><p> </p><p>“But for the rest of the day, I’m going to plan a date night in. Dinner, necking during the movie, and then the hottest fucking couple having the hottest fucking sex.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m game for that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Better be. I mean, come on, Nik. How many people out there do you think want to have sex with this,” Tommy says, as he strikes a model pose.</p><p> </p><p>“Half the chicks out there at least, and probably a handful of dudes now too. Why are you asking that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I want you to feel confident about us. None of them are fucking me. You are. And I’m fucking you, who thousands of people want too. Flaunt that shit. Come on, we gotta play some of these cards if we’ve got ‘em. Guarantee there a shit ton of closeted or curious rock stars who are actually dying to fuck one of us, and because they can’t, they poke fun instead. You gotta learn to show me off and be proud of what we have.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hear you. Give me time, OK?”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. Now go do something. Go choke your bass again. I’m going to put this shit away, and figure out what to get for tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki smiles and walks away.</p><p> </p><p>------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Five days have passed by. It’s the morning of Nikki’s birthday.</p><p> </p><p>It’s kind of early still; around 9:30am. With no schedule today, Nikki is still asleep and Tommy woke up about 10 minutes ago. He took care of a little business downstairs, and then came back up. Usually if he wakes up before Nikki, he would turn towards him and continue to lie next to him for a while longer, maybe even fall back to sleep, but Tommy is too excited to do that now. It’s Nikki’s 45th birthday. He’s always had to share the day with someone else, some years, not even seeing him. This year is different. It’s the first time he gets to plan the entire day himself. </p><p> </p><p>He starts the day by climbing on top of Nikki and planting a kiss on him. Nikki blinks his eyes open, awakened by the welcomed feeling of Tommy lying on top of him. </p><p> </p><p>“Morning, Love. Happy birthday,” Tommy says, grinning.</p><p> </p><p>“Not so happy for me. I’m not sure that I like this getting older thing,” Nikki groans.</p><p> </p><p>“Embrace it. You nearly lost the chance to grow older a few times in the past. Besides, you’re not old. You’re only half way through, and I have a great day planned out for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hope not out anywhere. You know that I don’t want to go out.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know. We’re not going out, OK? So relax, my Love. Let me love on you this morning,” Tommy says, burying his lips in Nikki’s neck.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t say no to this,” Nikki replies, placing his hands on Tommy’s ass.</p><p> </p><p>“Your choice. Whatever you want. Slow and sensual, kinky and wild, anything,” Tommy pants, continuing to suck on Nikki’s neck and collarbone.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to hold you and look at you. I sit on you and wrap my legs around,” Nikki grins.</p><p> </p><p>“Perfect, my lover,” Tommy says, continuing with foreplay.</p><p> </p><p>----------------------</p><p> </p><p>As Nikki comes down from his orgasm, he hugs Tommy tightly.</p><p> </p><p>“How did I get so lucky to wake up to this. Not just today, everyday,” Nikki says, in a raggedy breath.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not lucky, Nikki. You’re loved. And you made the right choice for us,” Tommy replies, peeling himself off of Nikki’s sweaty body. “Fuck. I know it’s winter, but remind me to turn the A/C on before close contact sex.”</p><p> </p><p>“I like sweating with you,” Nikki says, leaning back on the bed, splayed out to cool off, after Tommy dismounts.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy tosses a moist cloth to Nikki, as he cleans himself up, and finds some pants. “So, do you want breakfast in bed or downstairs.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll come down. I’m going to take a quick shower though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do I smell that bad? You can join me if you want,” Nikki says, as he sits up on the bed</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, go ahead, Love. I’ve got stuff to do. Things to cook. We get more personal time later. And no, you don’t smell bad. Just.... it will help you cool off and feel energized,” Tommy replies, leaning over Nikki to give him another kiss before leaving.</p><p> </p><p>“Tom?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do I smell food cooking already?” Nikki asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Uh, I….uh. Fuck, OK. I convinced my mom to come over to make breakfast. Believe me, it’s for the best.”</p><p> </p><p>“Were you going to try to try to pass it off as your own cooking?</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe,” Tommy shrugs with a smirk. “Don’t worry. She’ll be gone before you come down. And I didn’t want you to end up with food poisoning on your birthday.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s why you want me in the shower.”</p><p> </p><p>“You got me, but stop being fucking nosy, OK?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not being nosy, just observant.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, stop. Or I’m going to put a bag over your head at certain times during the day.”</p><p> </p><p>“OK. I’ll play dumb for the rest of the day.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, just be me,” Tommy grins.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not dumb,” Nikki says, furrowing his brow.</p><p> </p><p>“Joking, like everyone else does.”</p><p> </p><p>----------------------------</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, mom. I appreciate it,” Tommy says, kissing his mom goodbye. “Um, would you mind coming back tomorrow morning to cook again? All the kids will be here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do I get to see my grandsons?</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, they’ll be here. You can make animal shaped pancakes for them like you used to when I was a kid,” Tommy grins.</p><p> </p><p>“OK. Love you. See you later,” Voula says, as she steps out.</p><p> </p><p>“OK. Love you too.” Tommy smiles as she leaves. It took her some time, but she's fully accepted the relationship. She even said that it's somewhat of a relief, since he's with someone so familiar. No more brawling fiances and wives.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy does his best to keep things warm until Nikki gets downstairs, which is about 10 minutes later. </p><p> </p><p>“Enjoy! Your breakfast favorites. And if you don’t like it, you can’t blame me,”Tommy laughs.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll like it. Thank you, and thank you for not killing me on my birthday with your own nasty ass cooking. Is your mom still here, by the way?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, she left.”</p><p> </p><p>“OK. Just need to know in case I say or do something obscene. No one else, is here, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just us, Love.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m supposed to see my kids today. I know that at least. Does that fit into your plans?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup. Got it all worked out, and I said to stop being nosy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck. I’m not. I want to make sure that my kids are still going to see me on my birthday.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, dummy. Stop overthinking shit.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki furrows his brow and spits his mouthful of coffee out at Tommy.</p><p> </p><p>“Tommy wipes off his dripping face, and purses his lips for a few moments. “OK, I’ll let that go today. Once! Do it again, and I’ll rip your fucking tongue out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Betcha you’d regret that,” Nikki grins.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right. I would. I would just cross off one of these things on my list,” Tommy says, getting up grabbing a card on the counter and waving it around.</p><p> </p><p>“What list?”</p><p> </p><p>“In your card. Want it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Can I have it now, or are we ahead of schedule?”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop mocking me. I’m just trying to give you the best birthday ever.”</p><p> </p><p>“Playing with you. You’re doing a good job so far, T. Gimme card and kiss.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s better,” Tommy says, handing the card over and kissing Nikki.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know I don’t usually do cards and shit. Just rather express whatever I have to say verbally, but I just want you to remember this birthday.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think that you’re more excited about this than I am. If this day just passed by quietly with no fanfare, I wouldn’t complain,” Nikki says, as he opens the card. </p><p> </p><p>The card is blank inside with some sentiments written in, and there’s a folded piece of paper inside. Nikki opens it. ‘<em> 45 Things that I Love About You.’ </em></p><p> </p><p>Nikki looks up and flashes Tommy his crooked grin before reading it.</p><p> </p><ol>
<li>You’re fucking hot</li>
<li>Best sexual partner I’ve ever had. Hot as fuck every single time.</li>
<li>Your eyes</li>
<li>Your smile</li>
<li>Your body</li>
<li>Your talent</li>
<li>Your acceptance of my shortcomings</li>
<li>That you know how to cook, since I don’t.</li>
<li>Your hugs</li>
<li>That you haven’t killed me after 23 years of stupidity.</li>
<li>That you don’t judge me.</li>
<li>Your passion</li>
<li>Your kids</li>
<li>Your patience</li>
<li>Your drive</li>
</ol><p> </p><p>……..And there were 30 more things, sweet, dirty, and dumb, about Nikki listed; penned in Tommy’s own handwriting. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. I need a reminder about some of these things sometimes," Nikki says, wiping a single tear away.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean each and every one.”</p><p> </p><p>“Even this one? #42. <em> My morning breath doesn’t want to make you puke? </em>What the fuck is that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it’s true. Fuck, I’ve woken up to some of the worst.”</p><p> </p><p>“I take care of my mouth, but everyone has it. It’s just…. Why the fuck did you put that in the card?”</p><p> </p><p>“It was late when I was writing, and my brain was shutting down. You were asleep already. I guess I was looking at you, and I don’t know, man.“</p><p> </p><p>“<em> #44 My snoring is tolerable. </em> Seriously? <em> #45 I want to fuck you when you’re wearing make-up and when your not. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Shit. That’s what I wrote for #45? I don’t even remember?” Tommy snickers. “I was fucking tired.”</p><p> </p><p>“Typically the last item on a love list is supposed to be some crowning statement about the love that you have for the person.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it is. It pretty much says that I want to never not fuck you," Tommy grins.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I do agree, and I love you, Tommy Lee."</p><p> </p><p>“I just want you to know that no matter what’s going on outside these doors, it will never change anything going on inside between us. I love that I get to share this birthday with you and take charge. And I have a few things planned for later that might be a welcomed surprise, and maybe help where we are with things, regarding the outside.”</p><p> </p><p>“I trust you know my limitations of what I can handle right now,” Nikki says, tucking the card back into the envelope.</p><p> </p><p>“I think so,” Tommy says, shrugging with a smirk, as to suggest he’s not entirely confident about that. “Just trust me. It’s going to be a good day. Including my next surprise, right now,” Tommy says, grinning.</p><p> </p><p>“Not sure I like that grin,” Nikki says, arching his eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“Follow me to the living room.”</p><p> </p><p>They take a seat on the couch. Tommy hands the remotes to Nikki. Turn the TV on, and press play on the VCR.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh-my-god!” Nikki says, his jaw dropping.</p><p> </p><p>---------------------</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck, Tom? You did this without my permission?! What the fuck!”</p><p> </p><p>“I kind of needed this. I was going to show you some day…. Like now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit. I…. I don’t think I like this,” Nikki says, watching a homemade video of him and Tommy having sex. “Besides you have a bad track record of keeping shit like this out of the public eye!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve had it hidden somewhere that no one can get to it or find it, and come on… look how sexy we are. We never get to see it like this.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re fucked up, man. When is this from? Looks like the Feelgood tour. I’m having a hard time watching myself have sex.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you that conceited? Why are your eyes on yourself? Fucking watch me. I watch you. It’s so fucking hot!”</p><p> </p><p>“Why didn’t you ask me if you could record us?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I figured you’d say no.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god,” Nikki says, again, now drawn in. “Is this it? Or is there more?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, there’s another one from the Generation Swine tour. I mean, how did you not notice the red recording button?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck! I’m suppose to notice minute details in the room while I’m engaged in sex!”</p><p> </p><p>“Just sayin.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki sits silent watching the video for a while.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, Tom. You’re going to make me cum.”</p><p> </p><p>“Now? Or you mean in the video?”</p><p> </p><p>“In the video, stupid.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, not yet. You ride it out for a little while longer.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you watch this when we were apart?” Nikki asks, eyes glued to the screen.</p><p> </p><p>“No. I couldn’t. Just during happy times,” Tommy says, with sincere eyes. “Are you upset?”</p><p> </p><p>“Um, no, actually. I’m not upset. It just surprised me. And I’m a little annoyed that you never told me. But, holy shit, I can’t take my eyes off of you.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s what I hoped. We might need this when we’re grandpas. Who knows if you’re going to be able to get it up, or open your legs, or blow me without choking.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me? What about you? Maybe you won’t be able to perform.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s doubtful. You yourself say that I have superpowers. But now, we’ll always have this to look back on and get off from. And we can make more videos.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up. I think I’m going to cum now,” Nikki says, waving his hand up at Tommy.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you’re right. I love this part. Oh, fuck me now. Ohhhhh.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki looks briefly at Tommy with a crinkled brow. “Are you having an orgasm in your pants?”</p><p> </p><p>“I want to fuck you, Nikki,” Tommy says, with desperation in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You can fuck me after the next one. Are they back to back?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, and I can’t guarantee I’ll last.”</p><p> </p><p>“Give me a break. You, of all people, can fucking last.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, Nikki. The next one is completely XXX. It’s pretty much hardcore porn. If you don’t jump me first, you’re gonna be masturbating, guarantee. On the other hand, I love to watch you pleasure yourself. You can masturbate while you watch the porn and I’ll masturbate watching you get yourself off. Then I’ll recover fast and we can fuck for real.”</p><p> </p><p>“Was masturbation part of your plan today?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe plan B or C. But, fuck, I’ll roll with the punches here.”</p><p> </p><p>---------------------</p><p> </p><p>Turns out, as the video played, that Tommy was right. Nikki couldn’t stop himself from jerking off. Tommy intercepted by getting down on the floor to give Nikki a blowjob, while the bassist continued to watch the screen. He lasted about a minute. But no fretting, Tommy positioned Nikki to take him from behind, so they can both face the TV to finish watching. The video lasted longer. </p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit, Tom,” Nikki pants, laying naked on the floor. “What’s next on your schedule? Are we filming one today?”</p><p> </p><p>“To make you admit that I’m a genius. And no, there’s not enough time to film.”</p><p> </p><p>“Genius? Fuck you and your show off ass in those videos. Fucking smirking at the camera.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bet ya can’t wait to watch it again,” Tommy sneers.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s up to you. Right now, I'm going to suggest that you take that video out of the VCR, and put it in your hiding place, before we forget about it being in there, and one of our kids plays the tape.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Good thinking, Tommy says, getting up to eject the tape. “I’m going to lock this away. You get dressed again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why? I don’t want to go out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I lied a little. You are going out, but just to your rental unit since you still have it ‘til the end of the month. You kids should be there by now with the nanny, and you’ll spend the afternoon with them, celebrating and having lunch.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki smiles. “Thanks. I want to see them. Then what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t help being fucking nosy, can you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I need to know where my kids are going. They’re all supposed to be mine tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know. I’m not going to limit your time with them. You’ll bring them back here with the nanny, but not until I say you can. OK?”</p><p> </p><p>“OK……. Hey Tom?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t say that you’re a genius, but you’re doing OK,” Nikki smirks.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not worried. You’ll say it later. Tommy Lee….. Genius. Go have fun with your kids.”</p><p> </p><p>----------------------</p><p> </p><p>Nikki leaves 20 minutes later to spend the rest of the afternoon with his four kids. Fun, games, food, cake, and presents. Tommy stayed home to prepare for the rest of his plans for tonight.</p><p> </p><p>Around 6pm, Tommy calls Nikki to tell him to come home.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s going to be people at the house, isn’t there?” Nikki asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Nosy Nikki.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on. You know I have anxiety. Can you at least let me know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you trust me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not on this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, love. Please trust me. I know what you need.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take your response as a ‘yes’ to people being at the house.”</p><p> </p><p>“Take it how you want. I’ll see you soon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe,” Nikki replies.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you. Just get your ass here.”</p><p> </p><p>-------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Nikki pulls up to the house. There’s cars all over the place. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck,” Nikki grumbles.</p><p> </p><p>“Dad? I heard that,” his oldest son, who’s in his car, replies.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry. I wasn’t expecting a big party here.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s for your birthday, dad,” his younger son says, excitedly.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that so? Well, we should go see who’s here, shouldn’t we,” Nikki smiles wide, looking at him, but inside, feeling his anxiety level creeping up. “Come on. Let’s go in.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki and his boys make their way to the front door, his daughters, who rode with the nanny, right behind them. Nikki creaks the door open. He can already see that there’s a shitload of people there. If his kids weren’t at his side, he’d probably hop back in the car and drive off. </p><p> </p><p>As he opens the door a little wider, he’s met with a bunch of smiling faces screaming happy birthday to him; hands and arms approaching him for hugs and slaps on the back. Nikki feels frozen, not even sure who is hugging him at the moment. The hug pulls apart, and he sees it’s a friend from another band. They’re all over the place. Nikki is in a daze, with a slight fake grin on his face. As the next person comes in to hug him, he sees across the room, a very familiar and comforting face, it’s his grandfather, Tom. Nikki fake smiles his way through the crowd to get to his grandpa. Once he reaches him, he falls into a deep embrace.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, Tom. You came out here for my birthday.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tommy put the APB out. I wasn’t about to miss it, and a chance to see my great grandchildren,” Tom replies. “You OK?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just happy to see you, and a little freaked out right now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Breathe, son. You can do this.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to kick Tommy’s ass,” Nikki says, pulling apart.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t do that. Go find him and talk to him. He’s got his reasons. OK? Love you. I’m staying for a few days. Now I want to see the kids,” Tom says, staring down at the littlest one who’s been clinging to her dad’s leg. “I got your daughter. Go find Tommy.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki takes a deep breath and scans the room. He sees friends, people from the industry, Tommy’s mom and sister,Athena's husband, Vince’s girlfriend… no sign of Vince. His nerves are calm enough to give his friend who’s standing near him a hug, and then asks if he’s seen Tommy. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey man. Happy birthday. Good to see you. I think Tommy is upstairs with his kids. The kids were fighting with each other.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks. It’s good to see you too. I’ll be back down in a few, if anyone is looking for me,” Nikki replies.</p><p> </p><p>“Cool man.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki quickly tells his grandfather, who’s with the kids, that he’ll be right back. He makes his way upstairs and hears Tommy’s voice. The boys’ bedroom door is open, and so he stands in the doorway until he’s noticed.</p><p> </p><p>“Dad?” the older son says, pointing towards the door.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy spins around and sees Nikki there.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god. I’m sorry I wasn’t downstairs. The boys were fighting. It was starting to get physical. I brought them up here to calm them down.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki purses his lips and nods his head. Then says, “Hey, boys. My kids are here now. Want to go find them to play?”</p><p> </p><p>The kids smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Go down. I’ll be down in a minute, OK,” Tommy says, leading them out the door. “Keep your hands off of each other!”</p><p> </p><p>The boys make their way down the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck, Tom? There’s a hella-ton of people here. My anxiety is through the roof.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, love. Come here,” Tommy says, with his arms open.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki accepts his invitation for a hug.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, I know this is probably freaking you out, but whether you want to admit it or not, you need this. You need to see just how many people you have that support you and support us. Just telling you about it hasn’t been helping. I wanted to have the visual. Everyone here is a true friend or loves you, and they all just want you to know that they have your back. There’s even more of them, Nikki. Some people couldn’t make it. Some I couldn’t reach. OK? Don’t be upset. Fucking relax and enjoy the party. No one here is going to act weird. OK, well maybe weird or drunk, but not because of our relationship.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll try, I guess,” Nikki sighs. “Fuck…. I already knew you were going to have people here. But just seeing them all was a lot to take in.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, shit. Sorry about the timing with my kids. It was getting bad. I had to--”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine. I get it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you see your grandpa?”</p><p> </p><p>“I did,” Nikki pulls away from the hug and smiles. “Thank you for getting him here. That means everything.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you mean everything to us,” Tommy says, planting a kiss on Nikki’s lips. “Think we can go back down? You can see who’s here and greet them, but don’t get into any bullshit conversations. I have another surprise for you that can’t wait too much longer.”</p><p> </p><p>“OK. I can do this, I think,” Nikki says, taking a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, champ. Work the fucking room. But quick, alright? You can catch up with them again after the surprise.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hate surprises.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll like this one.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hate the anticipation. Is it a stripper-gram?”</p><p> </p><p>“Being nosy again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, T. Give me a hint.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll be saying Tommy Lee has given me the greatest fucking birthday gift ever. Genius. It’s something you want and need.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Something I want and need</em> describes you. And well, we’re here now, you know,” Nikki says, closing in on Tommy with a deep kiss.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, Nikki. God, I want to, but not now. The surprise can’t wait too long.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re lame,” Nikki says, with a smirk pulling away.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on. Let’s get our asses downstairs.”</p><p> </p><p>-------------------</p><p> </p><p>Nikki re-enters the party scene and makes his rounds. After about 15 minutes, Tommy finds him, and pulls him away. </p><p> </p><p>“Come on. Part of the surprise is about to have aneurysm from having to wait.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just follow me to the studio.”</p><p> </p><p>Tommy opens the door, and directs Nikki in, and shuts it behind them. Nikki smiles when he sees Vince, Mick, and their manager Allen.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck. I was wondering where you guys were. I saw your girlfriend, Vince.”</p><p> </p><p>“Took your ass long enough to get here,” Mick crows, before Vince can even reply.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s a lot of fucking people out there, and I’m only following Tommy’s directives,” Nikki replies. “I didn’t know you were in here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Happy birthday, Nikki,” Allen says.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, thanks. Is this it? Is this my surprise?” Nikki says with a furrowed brow.</p><p> </p><p>“What, we’re not exciting enough for you?” Vince sneers.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I guess it’s nice. You guys are my best friends. My brothers.”</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, Nikki,” Allen speaks, “Tommy has told us about how you’ve been struggling. Although it’s been fairly evident, anyway, that you’ve been avoiding people. We just want to work together and get you back out there. Yeah, there’s some negativity, but you’re missing out on so much positivity and support that’s also out there. You’d be surprised, Nikki.” He picks up a packed grocery bag full of letters, and hands it to him. “This is just a small sampling of some of the fan mail that’s been coming in. Many simply telling you that it doesn’t matter, and that they still love you and your music. Some proud of you. Some saying that you’re inspiring. Some who want to fuck you. Some you want a threesome. From guys and girls.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki laughs.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just saying. You have a very loyal fan base here. And yes, there is negative fan mail too, but a lot of them are from the types of judgmental people who you could never stand anyway, like the PMRC types. Plus the supportive fan mail far outweighs the bad. You can read these, over time, if you want to, or not. But we just wanted to give you a visual of the word out there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks,” Nikki says, putting the bag back down on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“And that’s not all,” Allen continues. “We agree that it’s time to fire Motley Crue back up soon.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki’s eyes light up. “You guys are ready again?” he says, looking at Vince and Mick, cracking a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, we all have some things going on right now and we need to fulfill our current obligations, but within the year,” Vince says.</p><p> </p><p>“Within the year, buddy. All 4 of us have a lot going on,” Mick says, smiling.</p><p> </p><p>“What? All 4?” Nikki says, suddenly fighting tears back, “Tom?” he says, turning to face him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m back,” Tommy grins widely.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god,” Nikki says, throwing his arms around Tommy. “I love you guys,” tears starting to slip out.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki pulls away, and rubs the tears away from his face, even though more continue to come out. “You don’t know what this means to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, we do, Nik. It means the same to all of us. We belong together,” Mick says.</p><p> </p><p>“Yup, and just so you know, Tommy and I still don’t like each other very much. But, we’re family, and we stick together. We’re all in this together,” Vince says.</p><p> </p><p>“This means everything to me,” Nikki says, still sniffling.</p><p> </p><p>“I even agreed to see a specialist for my hip. I need a fucking replacement, they tell me. You know that I don’t handle that shit well. But, I wouldn’t miss this opportunity to play again with all 3 of you,” Mick says.</p><p> </p><p>“OK. You all just made my day. I’m speechless now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good, because I’m fucking hungry and I don’t want to be trapped in this shitty studio anymore,” Mick says, getting up, limping towards Nikki and Tommy.</p><p> </p><p>Vince gets up too, and the four of them have a group hug, Allen joins them after a few seconds.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, enough of this sappy shit. Happy birthday, Nikki. Now I’m going to find some fucking food,” Mick says, pulling the door open.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going out too. I’m sure my girlfriend is growing impatient,” Vince says, squeezing Nikki’s shoulder then leaving.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re going to kick ass again,” Allen says, leaving the room.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy shuts the door behind him. “Sooo…. How’d I do today?”</p><p> </p><p>“I love you,” Nikki says, taking Tommy in for an embrace.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s it?”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want me to tap dance or something for you?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. Tell me that this is the greatest fucking birthday that you’ve had. Tell me that I’m the best lover you ever had. Tell me I'm a genius. Come on, compliments, please.”</p><p> </p><p>“I have to ponder whether this is the best birthday,” Nikki says, putting his hand up to this chin to do some mock thinking. “I had a clown who made balloon animals when I turned 5. That birthday was pretty special. I even got a cake with my name on it.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the clown. Stop being a stubborn ass, and just say it. Come on. Who’s the man,” Tommy says, bouncing around, pointing to himself with his thumbs.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki smiles, “You are, baby. Thank you for everything. You are a genius. And I’m so sorry for what I said a few days ago about kind of regretting coming out. I just--”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s OK, love. I know. You don’t need to explain. It hasn’t been easy. A lot of things have been tough for me too. But, it’s all worth it. We can live free now.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, and I’d do it again, and again. You gave me everything I could have wanted today,” Nikki says, connecting his lips to Tommy’s. </p><p> </p><p>They kiss for a few seconds, then Nikki pulls back. “I still need to take baby steps, but I think you, and everyone here have helped me through some of the shit that was brewing in my head.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be right besides you,” Tommy replies.</p><p> </p><p>“I know…… So, is that it? Any more surprises?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you! Is that it…. What more can you possibly want?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you know. There’s still tonight, Nikki says grinning.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, no. We got 6 kids and your grandfather here, overnight. That’s why I made sure that we did all of our fucking earlier.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, what’s wrong with now?” Nikki smirks.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, um. There’s a lot of people out there probably wondering--”</p><p> </p><p>“Let them wonder.”</p><p> </p><p>“And the kids,” Tommy reminds him.</p><p> </p><p>“Your mom and sister are here. My grandpa and the nanny are here. They’ll be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, there’s food and birthday cake.”</p><p> </p><p>“And your mom is a good hostess. Right? And cake will be a little delayed,” Nikki says, closing in on Tommy, rubbing his hand over the drummer’s cock. “I need to express my thanks to you,” Nikki says, reaching over to lock the studio door.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no lube in here,” Tommy blurts out.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki pops his eyebrows up. “You’ve been out a lot. Think I just play music in here when I’m home alone. I get a little lonesome,” he says, walking to a drawer to pull out the hidden stash.</p><p> </p><p>“This wasn’t on the schedule,” Tommy pants, willingly surrendering to the fact that he’s losing control over the plans that he laid out for the day.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I just penciled it in,” Nikki says, with a devilish grin across his face, as he unbuttons Tommy’s pants.</p><p> </p><p>“God, I love you, Nikki. Happy birthday, love. Now just fuck me,” Tommy says, leaning back against the wall, closing his eyes, as Nikki makes light work of getting him undressed.</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope that wasn't a trainwreck. I have two more chapters to go.</p><p>I'm just finishing up the next one, Livin' In The Know. This is a bonus track on the Japanese version of the album. This is a great song title for this subject matter, but I wasn't sure if I was going to include it in the book. Just recently though, an idea came to me, based on something that I wrote into this chapter; an upcoming interview. </p><p>I intended the chapter to strictly be a transcript of the interview. However, I wrote in a little 'morning of' scenario. Then I felt like I had to then include, a little homefront wrap-up after the interview; only, I couldn't stop writing, and it turned into a second plot for the chapter. </p><p>It's finished now.... kind of. See, this whole story has had a lot of heavy topics, jail, suicide attempt, abuse, coming out, addiction, and death.... so thought maybe I can add in some smut. There's quite a bit implied smut throughout the book, and a flashback scene with some, but that's it. So, I'm at a junction where I can write some in. I was going to end the chapter with implied sex. (Like I did with this chapter. It's the easy way out.) Which I can still do, and be done with it. Or I can actually write about it. I also have a scenario left open where I can write something kinky. Hmmm. I've written quite a bit of smut into my WP books. After a while, I think I get repetitive with the way I write it, so now there's this kinky option. I've never written kinky. Could be trainwreck. What to do?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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